Once a month (or maybe more), I'm going to ask a fellow mama blogger/tweeter/instagrammer for her experiences on motherhood. How she feels she's doing, how her life has changed, whatever she wants to say about being a mother. I thought it would be nice to see lots of different perspectives all in one place. Motherhood is wonderful but it can be lonely and challenging some times and it's so comforting to remember so many others are doing the same thing as you. On that note, do you find you do a crazy amount of washing? We don't even use reusable nappies and I swear I put that bloody machine on once a day!
So I thought I'd start to get the ball rolling and all.
What motherhood means to me...
Not sure I'm the best person to start this little series on what motherhood means to me because I find it nearly impossible to find the right words to express it. Motherhood is without a doubt the hardest yet most rewarding thing I have ever done. It has both been nothing like I imagined and far exceeded my expectations so far. I'd heard about the love you feel for your child from other people but until I held her in my arms the first time, I just didn't quite get it. And even then I didn't understand it as well as I do now.
Quite simply I would die, unquestioningly for my child. It wouldn't even be a thought. Not only that but I would probably kill for her too. Or I certainly understand parents who do when pushed. Her happiness, her well being, her health means everything. The thought that she will have to suffer at times in life already makes me want to cry. A 6 year old not inviting my Amelie to her party and her crying about it? I already don't know how I'll stand it. Mean teachers, horrible boyfriends, or just life not always been sunny for my baby, the thought already brings out the fierce lioness in me!
I still want things for myself independently of Amelie but always secondary to her needs. I was apart from her for a few days recently and felt like a part of me was missing. I ached to hold her.
I see other women in the street and think you don't have children. You look so free. Like they say about romantic love but so much more intensely, once you have children you understand loss. I feel such joy to have her in my life but such fear at how vulnerable that makes me. Before I had her I felt like I'd pretty much experienced the full range of human emotions but now I know how wrong I was. Motherhood is the ultimate in sacrificial love. Never before have I put someone else's needs so far in front of my own without question for the most part and never needing anything in return.
But ultimately motherhood to me is about love. Doing my best to raise my child with love. For herself, for others for the world.
I can feel how disjointed this is. Because I find it just so hard to express what motherhood means to me. Here's hoping you can do it better!
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